Sunday Funday!!

I spoke with my bishop this afternoon.  He told me that the Lord is mindful of me and that he feels like its ready to put everything in the past, in the past.  He said that i've already been paying the ultimate price of guilt and shame and that I need to move on and fully partake of the goodness of the gospel.  YIPPY!!!  We continued to speak with each other and he said "is this the same person that I spoke to 3 weeks ago?  You have changed."  

YES, I have changed.  Because i'm actually doing what i'm suppose to be doing.  I feel so good with all of the choices i've been making and for the progress i've made.  I'm so happy!!  

I know that Heavenly Father loves us, each one of us.  He is mindful of us.  He wants us to be happy and to live life to the fulness.  I'm so thankful to know that he has a plan for each one of us.  Even though its hard to see the plan with our eyes, its there.  And he's waiting for us to seek he's guidance.  If you were lost in the woods, what would you do?  The first thing I would do would be to reach for my iPhone and see if I have service and call my parents.  Well you always have the connection you need to speak with our Heavenly Father!  That connection NEveR gets interrupted no matter where you may be in your life.  That's the beauty of it.  

What would you do if you were lost?    

LIFE...IS BeAutiFuL!!!

Life.  What a great opportunity we get to experience so much joy, happiness, sorrow, sadness, excitement, frustration, etc.  Life...is about taking every second you have and enjoying it.  

My life has been full of moments that I don't ever want to take away.  There are some experiences or lessons that I would never want to re-live but I'm glad I went through those times.  I would of never become the woman I'm suppose to become.  

This year has been the hardest time in my life.  It would of been so much easier if I didn't have to experience it but then what.  What would have I learned?  What difference would I know?  I'm finally at the point where I can say I have officially moved on.  I'm glad i'm a strong person and now i'm even stronger.  

Just in the last month, the clouds lifted and I saw the rainbow!  The things that Brendon did to me are not excusable.  Even though the marriage was short and brief, those moments, words, and even the way he touched  me, always playback in my mind.  There hasn't been a day that has past where I remember those things.  I hate it!!!  I literally wish I could erase that portion of my life forever.  Even though what he did to me and how horrible he treated me...I've forgiven him.  I feel sorry for him.  He lost the best thing that EVeR happened to him and he doesn't even realize it.  How can you not feel bad for him?  But I can't live my life feeling bad for him or wondering what if I did something different.  Leaving him was the BEsT thing I could of done for myself.  And now i'm so so happy!!!  FInaLLy!!!  

I don't know what life has in store for me...but whatever it is I can't wait to embrace it.  This last week some things have changed my life around.  And even though its been a week...its been a great one.   Sunday night I was just being myself...doing the same things i've been doing for quite some bit now.  Then POP COMES THE WEE-ZEAL!!! I never expected him to come in my life and I sure as heck wasn't searching for him.  But it happened.  And i'm so grateful.  He has taught me so much in just a weeks timing.  NOW Now....before some people jump the horn on this.  Don't worry its not that serious.  We are obviously still working on figuring each other out and just having fun with one another.  But i'm grateful for the time we've had with each other and getting to know each other better and oh the kisses...oh my gosh the kisses!!  I hope there are more times that we'll be able to spend with each other.   But i'm happy he came in my life when he did.  I don't know what is going to come out of it and what the purpose behind it really is suppose to mean.  But the way he treats me, the kindness, sincerity, and the way he touches me I know I needed to experience those feelings again.  When I see he's face my heart pounds, my hands get a bit sweaty, and my nerves go CraZy!! And I love it!!!  Having those feelings inside me makes me feel like i'm alive again.  I appreciate him so much.  He is an amazing man.  And i'm lucky to be on his arm!!

Yes time will tell and even then...things happen for a reason!!!  Thank you Marcus!!!  For teaching me again.  ;)

I love changes especially when there joyous changes.  

Life is a joyous adventure!!  Wanna join?    

MOTHER: Who loves unconditionally.

How do you define your mother?  What qualities does a woman need in order to teach children to have faith and to base their decisions on gospel truths?

My mother:  "She is kind, she is smart, and she is important!"  She has taught me how to laugh and to serve others.  She is an incredible person and I know Heavenly Father is very proud of her and loves her dearly.  I'm so blessed to have her as a mother.  The things she has taught me are priceless.  

Some of the qualities I think of are - Patience, understanding, lead by example, dependable, and honest.

Alma 56:45-48 & 57:21 - Heleman's stripling warriors did obey their mothers with exactness.  Their mothers taught them not to doubt and to have faith.  The stripling warriors were willing to sacrifice so much for others because they knew if they obeyed and have faith, they would be delivered from God.  

What does "The Family: A Proclamation to the World" say about a mother's role?  

Mother's are to nurture their children and stand by their husband as an equal partnership.  

How can these principles help you in your life today and help you prepare to be a faithful woman, wife, and mother?  

I may not be a wife or a mother yet, but I do have some great cousins, nieces, and nephews that I need to be a great example to.  Having faith is the first principle of anything.  You first have to believe in it or not, and that will determine your outcome.  If you don't believe in yourself, how are you ever going to accomplish anything?  When you believe in yourself, than you can accomplish so much!!  I know through my faith that I will be able to become the person the Lord expects me to become.  Sometimes i'm terrified and scared but then I just do it and I end up loving it!!    Faith, for me, as never been hard.  It makes the most sense and really easy to test.  I'm grateful for the testimony faith has given to me.  Faith has strengthen my testimony in so many ways.  I remember when I was filling my mission papers out, I was still on the fence about going or not.  But once I filled them out and gave them to the bishop, it was the right thing to do.  Peace over filled me and I knew I was suppose to serve the Lord.   

                                                        Keep the Goal in MIND!!!

                                 

PS...Papers have been signed!!!!  YIPPA DEE DOO DA YIPPA DEE AA!!!!!!!!  Things are finally looking good for me!!!! :D

Faith. What is Faith?

Faith is believing in something that you cannot see. 

Hebrews 11 - I learned that with faith we'll understand the word and work of God.  In order to fully understand God and the plan he has for each one of us, we need to have faith.  Once we show God we have it and we believe it then that is when he will show us it.  

Alma 32: 17-43 - faith is like a seed.  It needs to be planted and nourished, for it to become a tree.  My favorite verse is 43, "Then, my brethren, ye shall reap the rewards of your faith, and your diligence, and patience, and long-suffering, waiting for the tree to bring forth fruit unto you".  I know there is a reason for everything.  And even though i'm going through a HORRIBLE stage in my life right now, I know I must continue to have faith and know that there is something better for me in the future.  If I continue to have faith and do what i'm suppose to, I know that one day I will be able to reap the rewards.  Going through this stage of life is only going to make me stronger and my testimony stronger than before.  

Ether 12:6-22 - We are not able to see Christ until after we have faith.  I find this concept so interesting but yet so true.  I remember when I was little and wanted something, I would have to save up every penny I earned and then I could go to the store and buy it.  Why should we be able to see Christ before we earned it?  We need to show him that we are willing to do everything and anything it takes.  If you really want something, you'll do what ever it takes to have it.  I really want to have an eternal family and have my family together forever and i'm willing to go through whatever I need to in order to do so.  In fact, He never said it would be easy but it would be worth it.   

Joseph Smith - History 1:11-20 -Joseph went through darkness before he saw Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father.  WOW, Can you relate?  I know I can.  I know Satan tries everything he possibly can for us to fail, and when we believe it our selves we just sink in further and further into darkness and despair.  But until we want the light back in our lives, we need to get Satan out of the drivers seat.  These past couple of months, i've just been in a dark place and feeling so sorry for myself.  But I knew that isn't what my purpose of life was.  I needed to get up and do something good.  Serve others.  Get my mind off those terrible things that make me feel horrible about myself.  

Faith is something so little but yet so ginormous!!  When I have faith and feel the Lord's spirit, I feel like I can do anything and everything!!  I have so much confidence and my personality shines a little bit more.  I love to laugh and smile and i'm seeing it come out more and more everyday!!!  Life is really beautiful.  We have such a great opportunity here on earth to enhance our talents and to show our love for everybody around us.  I'm so thankful for this opportunity, i'm still wondering what I ever did to deserve it. I'm thankful for my trails and challenges I face everyday.  Even though sometimes it gets to be too heavy to bare, I know I can turn to my Heavenly Father and through the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ, my burdens become light.  OOOOoooo....I'm so grateful for that!!!  Nobody should EVER have to bare such horrible burdens but to know there is help, makes it so much easier!!  

Personal Progress - Standing as a Witness of God

This is the first time I've felt like i'm ready to go and speak with my Bishop since leaving Brendon.  WOW i'm sooooo glad I did.  I'm not sure why it has taken me this long to go to him but I know everything happens for a reason.  I know its not over with but I feel so good about it now.  

The Bishop sat me down and we spoke about what happened between our marriage.  Nobody ever wants to be put in that situation.  And I'll tell you, it WASN'T easy!!  I wish I could sugar coat it but unfortunately there isn't a way to do so.  Naturally there were tears involved.  I knew he was genuine and sincere.  I knew he was there to help me become the ASHLIE I need to become.  Walking into the Bishops office is the 1st step, once your in there you can't walk out.  He said so many things that I needed to hear and wanted to hear.  I'm not a perfect person and I don't want to come off like I am.  But I am trying my very best to seek the gospel and taste the sweetness it brings.  I just want to be happy and the only time I have ever truly been happy was on my mission.  Because I was doing what I was suppose to be doing. 

After we spoke for a while, he challenged me to pray and read every night.  He asked me to seek forgiveness and strength.  He wants me to feel the love of Christ and to have him in my life everyday.  Going through this whole or deal, its always in the back of my head but I can't seem to find the motivation to do it.  But now I have it and I will give it my best shot.  

He also wants me to start my personal progress.  AWESOME right?  26 years old and i'm going to do this!!!!  I have to do, I have no other options!!!  I'll tell ya, it will be better than laying in bed feeling sorry for yourself!!  So what harm will it do?  I'm actually really excited to be doing this.  

I started with FAITH.  I'll complete it in 3 weeks.  

AWWWWWwwww.....

Yes Quazette always has told me I need my own camera crew to follow me around...I have to admit the life of Ashlie Gordon is super duper CRAZY!!!!  I'm not sure why my luck has completely turned on me but it seems like if something can go wrong, well it does!  

Disneyland was fun but the trip to California was not even worth it!!  I didn't know the group I was going with that much and I was mostly going just to get out of my dramatic life for a week.  Well next time, I'll think twice.  

When I went to California for spring break a year and a half ago, it was sooooo much fun!!  There were  4 girls and 9 or so guys...yes can you imagine how much fun we had!  Camping on the beach and going to six flags was really a blast!!  All of us got along and just went with it.  Ok and not to mention I had 2 guys I was really into so of course that helps!  It was just down to earth kind of fun!

 Spring Break 2010

Enjoying the awesome sunset with such a great guy, Matt Stokes!! I still love this kid to this day!  He is such a great friend! 

 

One of my favorite cousins!!  

 Carlstad, CA beach 2010

Yup he wanted to eat my face off!

Six Flags 2010

There are my 2 hotties...ok Shadow make that 3.

All my favorites minus Sonny!  Man why did I choose Brendon?  

Well....So i'm thinking oh this time will be fun too right?  Yeah, not so much!  There were 5 guys and 11 girls....and YES drama had followed me!!!  Now don't get me wrong I can get along with girls, but lets get real...REALLY?  Did you have to cry over that?  And really you expect me to sleep on this STD floor?  And really???  I mean these girls were so needy, emotional, and wow hanging all over the guys like that.  Could you have written in BOLD lettering DESPERATE on your forehead!?  YES Disneyland was so much fun and I loved every second of it...but outside of Disneyland just wasn't my cup of tea.  And then to top it all off, I hit something on the highway in Las Vegas and destroy poor Jet!!  He has been such a great trooper for me on all my crazy road trips this summer and now this is how he gets repaid?  He is still in Vegas trying to get repaired.  Oh how I miss Jet!!!  I can't wait for him to return back to me.  

So I survived the Disneyland trip and come home to Brendon doing oh NOTHING but a big pain in my toosch!!!  Still not divorce but seems like the cash flow is NEVER ending!!  Oh you want another $1000 well here ya go!  Well yes you can have $1500!  Oh and here is some more!!!  REALLY?  Yup that's the life of Ashlie Gordon!!  I hope somebody is envying it because i'm sure not!!!  

Maybe its me or maybe its mayballine...but I just feel like i'm on a different playing field than others.  I'm not sure if its because now I have a different outlook on life and i've been there done that type of attitude but people my age just don't interest me.  I'm completely fine with staying home and not hanging out with anybody now days...before you would of seriously had to KILL me to stay home for longer than 2 hours.    Everything happens for a reason!  

"tender mercies"

At the beginning of The Book of Mormon, Nephi's major goal is to show us the tender mercies of the Lord.  At the end of The Book of Mormon, Moroni hopes we have noticed how merciful the Lord has been unto his children.  

I know in my life he has been very merciful!!!  There have been so many instances where things could of turned out so much worse than they really did.  Sometimes its easier to see all the junk that's buried on the gold.  But how wonderful is it when we actually can see the gold?  I need to be better at this principle!  

Last night, I got an email from my attorney.  In the email was the bill for the month.  Man, to see that number sure did suck!!!  This divorce has been the hardest thing i've ever had to go through.  I feel like I have spent the last 7 months in a closet just trying to get out, breath and see the sun!    Don't get me wrong, I'm so happy now!!!  But I just feel stuck and there's nothing I can do about it.  I've been separated for 7 months and yet I can't fully move forward because technically i'm still married and I don't want anything to fall back on me.  The worst thing about all of this is that the divorce isn't even final yet and we're probably looking at another 2 months before it becomes final.  Which means theres alot more money involved than there should really be.  But we're not focusing on the JUNK now are we??

There is soooo much I can and should be grateful for....and believe me I AM SO GRATEFUL FOR ALL THESE THINGS!!!!  I have the GREATEST family on earth!!!  I didn't get pregnant through this whole ordeal!  I can come home to a peaceful atmosphere.  I don't have to put up with the abuse for the day.  I have so many things I don't necessary need!  I have the knowledge and testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ!!  I'm a daughter of Heavenly Father, who reminds me daily he loves me and hears my prayers!  I have enough clothes, makeup, shoes,  and jewelry to last me a lifetime!!  I have a job, which one day I'll have some money again!  I have music to keep me upbeat about life!  I have a nice and comfy king size bed, which I find myself in more than 10 hours a day!!!  I have been able to experience so much in my lifetime!!  There's just too much good things that are in my life, I can't name them all!  I need to focus on the good things daily and just discard the bad things when they come!  

I just want to say thank you to everybody that has come into my life!  You have all taught me something!  I know everything does happen for a reason and things work out.  I have seen it so many times in my life and in others.  I know this too will pass and one day I will be able to fully laugh at all of it!  

On Sunday, it was a year ago that I thought I was marrying my best friend and starting a marriage!!  Well, it didn't end the way I thought or hoped it would.  But I guess that will help me to think next time!  But at the same time, next week i'll be in the happiest place on earth!!!  DISNEYLAND!!!  Man, sure hope this week goes by fast!  :)